My name is Lacey :)
Let's make it so when life flashes before our eyes, it's worth watching.
Hello, I am a teenager. I’ve made mistakes that ended good and bad-sometimes at the same time. I’ve told lies, screwed up, and did things I shouldn’t have. I’ve broken, fixed, and tried to mend others- as well as myself. Sometimes things haven’t went as planned and ended terribly, and sometimes they’ve ended wonderfully. I’ve planned futures only to have them crushed by one thing or another. I’ve cried in pain and in joy over numerous people. I was raised to be strong and “shake it off” ever since I was a baby. I was taught to never fear the pointless things, and have taught myself to fear only fear itself, if it can be helped. I was also taught that my parents won’t be here forever, and that really no one will be here forever. That’s why you can’t take people, time, or moments for granted- take advantage of every single second you have here. Who knows- maybe we’ll end up in heaven, or maybe we’ll end up back on Earth as someone else, or maybe, just maybe we’ll end up 6 feet under, turned to dust, ashes, or what have you. I don’t know. You don’t know. Live for today and tomorrow. I do know that the past is something I can’t change. I can’t change what I said, how I handled certain things, or what I ultimately did. I can’t change the things I hid from you, and are still hiding. I don’t want to. Secrets are secrets and I can’t do anything now, anyway. I’ve made and broken promises, and I know that every one of you has too. Overall, our past, our mistakes, and the people we surround ourselves with- shape us. I often times joke too much and don’t take certain things seriously. It’s annoying, I know! I laugh too much, and at the smallest things, and that is also annoying, I know! I can sometimes be slightly condescending, but it’s just so hard to not to be, and it’s impeccably annoying, I’m sure. I put pretty much everyone’s happiness in front of my own. I am a people pleaser. I apologize first and take the blame for basically anything and everything. It’s my past. It shaped me. I would so much rather take the heat because I don’t want to see anyone else down. I’m not down much, anymore. I can typically laugh things off or rationalize them to be fine. So blame me, please. I’m outspoken at times, and it gets me in trouble. I like leadership roles. I like talking in front of people. I like being the head of something. I like to help. I’m passionate about things. If I have an opinion, it’s a strong one! They change often, though, so watch out. I like facts. I like science and math. I like progress. I love people, sharing stories, and just talking in general. I like people who stand up for things. Think we shouldn’t have strict gun control? Think cheerleading is a sport? Think music and art programs have a right to not be cut from curriculums? That’s great! Stand up for it! If you can do that, I have a lot of respect for you. Music is important. Don’t just hear it. Listen to it. Feel it. Experience it as it enters your ears, your brain manipulates it, and it rushes through your body. Feel your heart grow heavy or light. Just feel. A big part of this life is experiencing and learning from it, whilst having fun. That’s what I’m here for. I’m here for success, eureka moments, and feeling whole. What are you here for?
Yay, we get it, you’re going to prom
Yay, we get it, you have to look gorgeous for prom
Yay, we get it, you want to look the best for prom
But, in all honesty, if everyone thought looking normal was pretty, it would be so much better.
If people weren’t expected to be bronze, everyone would benefit.
Who is naturally that tan by the beginning of May?
So why can’t we all just look natural?
Personally, I don’t think I belong here. I wish we were still in those times where women and young ladies carried parasols to shade themselves from the harmful rays.
I wish I had a pretty parasol to carry around.
I do promise this, though. You will not catch me in one of those death beds.
I think I want a tattoo. On my foot. It would be very meaningful, I promise. I have already mentioned it to my parents. I could probably get away with it. I’m not rushing anything, though.
I am just a rebellious teenager.
What a joke.
I’m not who I once was.
I’m not who I was 3 years ago — the innocent one who didn’t care what others thought. The truly happy one who was simply, simple.
I’m not who I was 2 years ago — the sad pessimist who thought she had been through so much, when she had experienced so little. The one who made many mistakes, and felt little remorse from them. The one who learned so very little from what she had done.
I’m not who I was over a year ago — the ready-to-move-on open minded happy one. The one who had been won over too many times, and kicked too many times. The one ready for whatever was to come.
I’m not who I was a year ago — the head over heels in love, happy one. The one who had everything going for her-friends, grades, a boyfriend, and volleyball. The one who forgot too much, and let too much get in the way.
I’m not even sure where I stand now. I’m stuck without a chance of anything. I’ve stopped caring about a lot, that’s helped somewhat. I’m happier without being scared of opinions. I’m starting to give people the benefit of the doubt, which is a little more positive, I suppose. I’ve had a look at my life, and I’ve noticed who has drifted, and who is there. It’s different than I would have expected. Life is everchanging…
….I’m just fearful I have already passed the best times of my life
Without even realizing it.
It pains me to say that a reason I don’t like to sleep is knowing that I must get up the next morning
I’m going to apologize in advance for this rant, but it is something I must get out there.
So, since “you only live once”, you have an excuse to fill your body with toxins from illegal drugs? (I don’t care how many arguments you have for the debate over legalizing marijuana. It is ILLEGAL for a REASON!)
So, since “you only live once”, it is okay for you to bake yourself in bed full of cancerous rays?
So, since “you only live once”, you are okay with not only losing your virginity, but also possibly contracting STD’S, and being at risk for an unwanted pregnancy? (I don’t care how much you may “love” that person. Is that the only way you are able to show it?)
So, since “you only live once”, it is “so totally awesome” to NOT ONLY pump your body full of toxins from alcohol, but ALSO post pictures on Facebook for your family, friends, AND possible college/workplace advisers to see?
So, since “you only live once”, it is all right for you to do absolutely nothing in school, and have no goals for yourself for the future?
I understand the whole “You only live once, so you have to live to the fullest” philosophy. But honestly, does that life even matter if you ruin it for yourself?
I am often sickened by the people I am around day to day. I really can not explain my excitement for moving past all of this and going on to much better things.
Thank you, I appreciate you reading- if you read this
The things that we are bothered by the most are often the things we contemplate the most which are ultimately the things we care about the most.
…and sometimes, you think they are working out, until reality slaps you in the face.
It says to you, “Who do you think you are being all super happy, when there are so many unhappy people in this world?”
And you don’t reply. Because how do you reply to that?
Maybe you’ll become really sad. Or maybe you’ll become really frustrated. Or maybe you won’t do anything, because you know its the truth.
You’ll learn to tell yourself that it will all get better. You’ll learn to tell yourself that it was fate just testing your belief in it.
Well, I’ll tell you what, “fate”. I believe you. I know you have a plan for me. I know that with your course, I’m making myself into the best I can be. I know I can get through the things you throw in my face. I know the challenges teach me something new. I like to learn, and I’m learning early. So thank you.
It just awes me how someone can walk right into your life and just make it so fantastic. And then, in the blink of an eye, just walk out, like its nothing. Like it was a freakin’ walk in the park or something. Well, thanks for the walk, my friend. It was nice while it lasted. The happiness felt good as you gave it to me. Thank you for keeping me in check. Thanks for being there, until you left. It meant something while it was there.
“Life is a stage and we are actors” Well, Mr. Shakespeare — Why don’t we give life a show to watch? Let’s make it the best yet. Teach everyone something.
Thank you, fate, for what you have shown me here.
I’m ready to continue on for whatever you may have in store for me. Whether it may be happiness, hurt, realization, inspiration, or just living, I’m waiting.
So let’s go.
Note: You really don’t know how much of an escape writing is until it happens.
Love you writing, always <3
There is so much more out there than-
- Good grades
- Being the best at everything
Its just —I’m just—having a hard time seeing that.